We met (Day 1)

I was scared to touch my son. I did not want to cause him any more discomfort or pain. Because of the pipes in his nose he could not even cry. He could not breastfeed so I expressed milk for him and they gave it to him through a tube in his nose. I did not have milk for him that first day and struggled to get 2ml every three hours for him. He was supposed to get 5ml every 3 hours.
The hospital I was in was excellent. They kept the ICU empty for his benefit.
The people were so helpful and explained everything to me. It was a shock to see my baby like that and it helped to have friendly faces to assist me in this difficult time. Normal new born diapers were too big for him and I had to get prem diapers for him. I did buy him some prem clothes but he did not wear any clothes for quite a few days, only a hat and socks when the drips was not in his feet.
In mean time my other 2 sons and husband had to cope without me at home.

The day we met

When I saw my son laying in ICU it was worse than I could ever have imagined. There were drips and drips and lines and monitors and lines and alarms. Then we are not even talking about the Ventilator and Feeding tube in his nose. My heart bled when I saw my son lying there. Weighing in at 2.2kg (1 pound) (which is a very good weight for a prem). There were 2 lines coming from his umbilical cord, one they used to draw blood for the Blood gas panels that they did every 6 hours. A temperature monitor was stuck on his breast; it was a little golden heart. He was less than 24 hours old and he was already getting drugs like you would not believe. They also had to give him surfactant for his lungs - 2 vials which carried a cost of about ZAR11 000 (+- $1 100). He was getting stuff that helped to regulate his heart beat and God knows what else. He had the most peculiar shakes and movements. He was just skin and bones. When he was struggling to breathe his stomach would jerk. It was very scary when I first saw it. His hands had a piece of plaster on and were pinned to his blanket to stop him from pulling out the ventilator and other lines. He was the smallest little miracle I have ever received. I will tell you more about this on another day. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.

The morning after

The down side of having a Spinal block is that you cant get up immediately. You are supposed to wait 24 hours before standing up. By the next morning I was going out of my mind. When my gynaecologist came to see how I was doing I insisted that the drip be removed so I could go see my baby. With the drip my pain pump also went, but I didnt care. I just wanted to see my son. Having a c-section is very painful and I would much rather have given normal birth. Walking was extremely difficult and very painful. My sons Peadiatrician came and organised a wheel chair and took me to meet my son.

The Birth

They did not want to put me under general anesthetics due to the fact that my blood pressure was so high and all the other risk factors so I had a Spinal Block. The sounds one could hear and everything I could see in the light freaked me out completely. First they could not find him. He had moved to a totally different position from when they did the scan. When they found him they had to take him out feet first. I kept on asking why is he not crying. He wasn't breathing. They briefly brought him to me and he was ice cold to the touch and his skin was grey. I knew he was in great danger. Then they took him away and started working on saving his life. I didn't know what was going on with my son as they pushed me into the recovery room. I didn't know if I would see my son again. I hope no one ever has to feel that way.